Through the pet flap, into the house, onto the tables. Oh no, they see me, I probably could just sneak another cracker into my pocket and the footsteps are getting louder and louder, I see them. Why isn’t this fitting into my pockets, if only I had a shrink ray? I’m caught, only if it was a bit smaller I probably fit it into my pockets, only a tiny bit smaller, the pockets have been emptied so for the 9th time, I’ve came back empty handed. This is the most stressful game I’ve ever played!
Your use of multiple short sentences really helped to give a sense of excitement to the story as it makes a reader read them quickly, which makes it seem like things are happening very quickly. I also really liked that you left some major things very unclear, who or even what your main character is, and what is the game. It makes me what to know and read more.